I cannot believe it has been 2 whole years since I started NaturallyNex. It’s my blogiversary!!! I’m going to take you through a story about what’s been happening for the past year not only with my blog but with my personal life as well. I hope you’re ready because I’m finally ready to share the ups and downs of writing and life in general. Let’s start with the blog first.
On my blog this year, I’ve had some pretty cool opportunities to not only work with awesome brands such as Palmer’s but I’ve also attended some red carpets with some Hollywood superstars. It has been a tremendous blessing to be able to write and have many doors open for me that wouldn’t have if I weren’t writing. Look at the pictures below of the Girl’s Trip Red carpet during the Essence Festival. I had a blast for Essence last year but this year topped it off. Through all the fun and opportunities I’m not sure if I’m readers noticed a huge decrease in my blogging. I literally didn’t write for weeks at a time, and maybe posted one blog a week, if that. My writing style has changed as well; whereas, I’ve been more focused on encouraging posts rather than hair or beauty (don’t worry more beauty is coming). The change all started in November 2016 so I want to let you know what occurred to change my writing as a whole.
I don’t think anyone gets married and believes that their end goal is a divorce. Well, at least I didn’t think like that. I’m not here for wasting my time or money lol. But it happened, and in a way that I’ve been too ashamed to talk about. Until now. Although, I hate feeling like I’ve failed at something, especially something that was meant to be “until death does us part.” I failed. I wasn’t okay with that until realizing what failing meant towards this situation, but I’ll get into what I’ve learned later. November 2016 was the worst time in my life. Let’s just say my life flipped upside down after getting off an airplane. I walked into an empty house. My husband packed everything he owned and moved out without saying word. Nothing. Besides a text saying he was sorry, loved me, but couldn’t do this any longer. I was literally alone sitting on the bathroom floor in shock. To be honest, I started cracked up laughing probably the hardest I’ve ever laughed. I didn’t shed one tear. I just sat there in disbelief. Was this marriage? Was this what I signed up for? No. Then, it hit me (minutes later)! It was like I had been stabbed 50 times in my chest, the betrayal of it all became so unreal. If you’ve ever played sports and had the opposing player ” accidentally” hit you in your stomach then you know the feeling I’m talking about. This pain was 20 times worse. My husband, who I trust more than anybody with my heart, just abandoned me. To say I was completely blindsided was an understatement. I couldn’t breathe and it has been painful but I’m going to tell you what I learned from this experience.
I hate the word failure almost as much as I hate the word divorce, but these two words have haunted me for the past year. I run away from failing any chance I get. Seriously, who wants to admit that they’ve failed at something especially marriage?!? NOT ME. I didn’t want to fail at something that was meant for forever. But I did fail, and now I’m okay with that. Is anything really meant to last forever? I don’t think so. I began looking at failure differently and started embracing it. While I was completely knocked down by my husband’s unexpected departure, this opportunity showed me that I could focus on my individual goals and dreams. While married I completely lost who I was. I didn’t care about my dreams nor my goals. I just wanted his dreams to come true. When I say I didn’t care, I really didn’t care about myself. I didn’t love myself. I loved him so much that if his dreams were happening then that made me happy. I was happy with my marriage but unhappy with myself, which made an unhappy marriage. I’ve learned that my dreams are important and to never shrink myself for someone else’s comfort. I’ve learned that failure shapes us into who we’re meant to be. But I’ve most importantly learned that NOBODY is going to love me like I can love myself.
“Faith in the sunshine is NO faith at all.”
God’s plans are always greater and more amazing than our worst disappointments. This has been a tremendously disappointing year but I’m thankful for my struggle because otherwise I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength. You won’t realize your strengths until you face disappointments because that’s where courage lives. Then and only then are you able to move forward. People say time heals all wounds and in this case it’s true. God, time, and the people who I love have made the healing so much more easier. Although, I will experience so much more disappointments in life, I now know how to face them. I’ll continue to be happy in the mist of the storm and dance in the rain when I feel like it.
This season of my life may be over but I’m grateful that I was married for 3 years and experienced the love, disappointments, and strengths. It may sound crazy but I’m grateful that he hurt me (so thank you)! I’m still on the road to forgiveness and I’m almost there. I do not hate him. I do not wish ill-will upon his life. What good would that do for me? Writing this wasn’t meant to hurt or embarrass him, but to share my story in hopes to encourage someone else. Divorce doesn’t mean failure. You won’t have a scarlet “D” forever. You can be happy. And your strength can and will only be found from within (nobody will make your happiness, you’ll make it your own). In the end, I hope that he finds himself and has learned from this experience to. My anchor is holding, and I’m so grateful. Love and Blessings!